It’s been a long while since I last wrote in here. And, interestingly, the reason why comes down to the very topic I’m writing about today.
A lot has changed since my last post, including picking up an injury that took a real toll on my mental health, and changing jobs from Architecture back into team leadership.
The question “Am I good enough?” has been lingering around in my mind, and making me feel like I had nothing valuable to say in here, or rather, like I really have no business spreading any kind of information online.
Who was I to talk about continuous growth in sport when I got myself a stress injury? Who was I to talk about career development when I went back into what I already knew? Who was I to call myself an Architect when I felt like a complete and utter failure in the role?
With my injury on the mend, a lot of lessons learned, and my sense of worth starting to build up a bit more, I’ve been feeling a bit more like getting back to writing here.
The problem with admitting that I felt like a failure is that people react in very different ways. Some will lift you up, remind you of your wins, and help you see things more clearly (after all, we are often our own worst critics). Others, unfortunately, feed on insecurity and quietly reinforce it.
Today’s realisation
In a group meeting today, I had two people question my update and indirectly imply that I didn’t know what my team were doing. My heart started racing, my head pounding. How could they question my work performance after I had spent months proving myself and showing team output consistently and undeniably?
After a little rant with my manager, a ride back home, and a much needed emotional cool-down, it hit me that the very thing that was making me feel so excessively frustrated, was actually a good thing - I am finally recognising that I am good enough, that I have been consistently good enough for quite a while now. Maybe the issue isn’t whether I’m good enough, maybe it’s that not everyone sees the full picture.
Today, I realised that somewhere along the way, something has shifted. I have switched from asking “Am I good enough?” to thinking “I‘ve proven time and time again that I am good enough.”
If you’re feeling like you’re not good enough, particularly at work, just know that you’re not alone. Regardless of role, years of experience, or how many people you lead, everyone has their own insecurities.
Remember to be kind to yourself. No one’s opinion about you matters most than your own.